Gravitation
by petulantpoet
Summary: Narcissa never had the words or the courage for that fact to tell Severus just how she loved him despite the obvious gravitation that existed between them.


**Gravitation**

The realization had happened quite suddenly one casual evening spent in the arms of nothing special at all. There it was, right in front, starring me in the eyes every day of my dull existence and I had been so obviously blind as to have not seen the answer to my own inner query. Without warning and with no prior intent my fascination had landed upon him and each and every day was spent being reminded of why it had begun in the first place. That had been the moment I knew why, now I understood the attraction to a man I could never have let alone the simple ideal, which he represented.

With him, I never had to be in control, never for one moment was I ever expected to take up the helm and guide us through the storm. Not now and not ever would I make another decision until his interpretation of the facts guided my judgment. It was comforting though he would never know this, but it was easy to just simply be near him. It stood to reason he commanded attention despite where he might be and for that one reason I was put into my place and could for once just finally breath. Suddenly it became less difficult to wear the title of being the most-clever, most responsible girl in the room. In his presence I could just be and by that simplistic explanation felt as if I could finally, for once just exist.

Daily he was watched, visually stalked within my silent eyes, appreciating his simplistic yet dramatic notions of daily apparel. Nothing so bold as to attract unwanted attention but designed more as a symbol, a self-appointed, god given right to just exist and to do exactly as you please. How foreign that action should have seemed but yet somehow I understood it completely. That exact moment, when two opposing forces were driven together had been years in the making and presented a release I had ever only dreamed. All of my hopelessness and loneliness began crashing through my very carefully contrived daily disguise and sought the only source of comfort I could imagine.

Deep inside I knew just what he was, as I had no false sense of his true behavior, and what he was, was in fact nothing that resembled nice and that absolutely _astounded_ me even more so. With casual brilliance he directed every situation and demanded his words carry the moment without even opening his mouth to express his wishes. It was simply _exhilarating_ to just be within his presence and with no prior intent or forethought I fell hopelessly and desperately infatuated with the one object I could not possess. Perhaps that indeed was what had cast the web and drawn me in, as we all tend to covet that which we cannot have and especially when said object belongs to someone else. It had been beyond difficult to make him notice me, to see me with more than casual disregard, as he was absolutely enamored with his first great love.

His mistress mirrored the man _she_ belonged to and he was substantially more complicated than that of most other men. _She _in fact did not exist in form, instead _she_ spent her days lingering in the mind of a man too tortured and guilt ridden to allow her to leave or simply ask her to go. This image of absolute perfection that only _I_ could see in his minds eye resembled nothing I could ever compete with. This flawless beauty with insightful wit and charm, flowing auburn silken strands pooling across her shoulders stood against the backdrop of his every movement leaving me to remain at arms length at all times. Softly calling to him, she haunted his hearts desire and existed to merely torment and remind him of what she thought he no longer deserved. This ghost of his that demanded total devotion and obedience denied him the privilege of truly living and not always feeling so damned guilty at the simple act of drawing breath.

Between the vision in my minds eye and the eventual place I would actually stand in his world remained a very vivid image and if I could some how be clever enough to find my way past the wounds she had so inflicted, I was certain somehow I would finally know my passions as reality. With careful planning and calculated precision I would find my place and fix my stance squarely within his sight, and with subtle intent remind him that I in fact remained, that only I could see past what the world could not and then eventually forgive. Inside me he would find his absolution and could finally know the meaning of not being merely satisfied but astounded by raw and torrential emotion. That day would happen but that day was not today and it might in fact not even be tomorrow. However, that one small detail was of little consequence and for now I was resigned to only know of him what he would allow as only the continual passing of time would ever gain this sort of mans trust.

The eventuality of it all would be enough for now and in that simple fact I was able to find my place and set my footfalls on a path that would quite simply, quite unceremoniously lead off of a very tall cliff to land silently and without so much as causing the slightest stir, inside his very soul.

**GR****AVITATION**, (noun). The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportion to the quantity of matter they contain - the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.

_Ambrose__Bierce~~__The__Devil's__Dictionary_


End file.
